themachinegod

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Felt like posting self portraits. Nothing newsworthy past that.

I need more friends. I need to make this my priority before I go insane.

In other news: I'm going insane.

((this is a draft for a guild charter in world of warcraft. if you don't play none of this will make sense to you so just skip this post))


Seven Twenty
( A different kind of raiding guild )

Sometimes I feel the need to remind myself of how many people I have hurt by being negligent about my depression. I've lost many a friends, and a few that were more. Sometimes these meds feel like they're helping. Maybe they're just distracting me.

I just read that Pitch Black and Chronicles of Riddick were odes to the Conan series... Interesting. I'm going to have to watch them all over again.

Go watch it. Immediately. Clear your weekend, clear your Netflix.

I'm going to go get the book now.

I decided to go off of meds and quit therapy. Both mainly due to expenses and time constraints, but also because I feel like the therapy has become considerably repetitive and the results of 2 months of meds + half a year of therapy have been hardly noticeable.

If things nosedive and get worse I'll go back, but for now I'm going to try to survive on my own for a while.

As per the medication, dont' worry, I"m tapering myself off. I'm taking a pill every other day for the next 3 weeks then every two or three days till i run out. I forgot to take any pills all week tho and am experiencing some crazy withdrawel symptoms (I think). Been throwing up on and off today for no reason.

Anyway, that's my random update. Otherwise, life is pretty fucking dull. Only one new friend in the past half a year and I only chill with her once every 2-3 weeks. No new love interests (previously mentioned girl is not interested). Its just dull... very very dull. I need to find ways to get out.

I had a dream that I found some quote on the web of my exgf saying "yeah I've dated a lot of better looking guys, but there's just something about him"

My dreams don't even help my confidence.

I think this was spawned by finding a picture of my current crush with her last bf. He looks like some super model. No better reason to quit trying than to finally realize who your competition is.

All I really want is some sort of verification that I'm still a likable person. Is that too much to ask?

( Sam's 2008 Year in Review... )

Very strong language, so uh, don't listen near your relatives at a holiday meal

I have an announcement to make. She has been found. The Perfect Woman does exist.

Felicia Day... Pale, thin, and redheaded video game girl.

New goals in life:
1. Move to LA
2. ???
3. Marry Felicia Day



Edit. This sums it up:

utricularian: at least now i can accurately demean other women by putting them on a 0 to 1 scale in likeliness to felicia day
utricularian: i think that's fair
xconnmanx: heh, a binary scale?

utricularian: i fucking hate starbucks
other: y
utricularian: i swear they scoop up the most idiotic kids on the street to work there
utricularian: a white chocolate mocha and its basically black coffee
utricularian: i don't even know how he screwed this up
utricularian: its coffee with milk in it
utricularian: and only a very little bit of milk
other: maybe someone gave you the wrong drink
utricularian: nah i talked to him about the drink
utricularian: he asked if i wanted an extra shot
utricularian: its like fucking black
other: hm
utricularian: god i hate stupid fucking people
utricularian: why can't we breed them out of existance yet?
other: cuz smart people aren't having kids...
other: also, you realize we'd both have been bred out of existence in that case
utricularian: the fucker forgot to stir!
utricularian: i grabbed a spoon stirred and it instantly turned creamy white
utricularian: goddammit
utricularian: sauce, milk, coffee, stir
utricularian: i know how to do the fucking job and i just watch them fuck up over and over
other: so don't go to that starbucks?
other: I've never really gotten a bad starbucks drink.
other: Ever.
utricularian: that's the pinnacle of bad starbucks there
utricularian: i only have a good experience maybe half the time
utricularian: but its the most convenient when coming in off 101
utricularian: after stirring it tastes better
utricularian: what a fucking dumbshit
other: dude don't worry about it ;p
utricularian: its just simple things... we give stupid people simple things in life because they don't have the capacity to do anything else, and they still find new and inventive ways to prove they should just be used for even simpler grunt work. like banging two rocks together all day
other: but hey, smart people don't want to make coffee forever
other: so if you want to make your OWN coffee then go for it ;p
utricularian: but that defeats the purpose of achieving shit in life. you achieve shit in life so you don't have to do the mundane. all the jackasses that were cool in high school have the pleasure of making my food and drinks, paving my roads, and taking out my trash
other: yeahhh but if they're idiots and you can't handle that...then it's not really helping you out is it?
utricularian: one day, my army of nano machines will enslave this planet
other: riiiiiight





*edited for continuity and to fix typos


But yeah, it appears I have become quite angry with stupid people... or maybe just that Starbucks in specific. And to be fair to me, I tend to go to a different coffee shop all together, I just took a different route to work this morning.

Edit: restored, sold, then recreated. No more raid toons, all casual from here on out....... hopefully

Hi there.